Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've asked you for a lot of things over the years.

An N64, a Gamecube, a PS2, Gameboy, new Bike.

Right now, I need your help.

I don't want anything, just advice, guidance, maybe a prod in the right direction.

I'm lost again Santa.  You've been watching me so you know what's been going on.  I found love for the first time in my life and it wasn't to be.  Now that I've been trying to move on, I just can't.  The only thing I'm good at is fighting but this is one thing that can't be fought.

I'm killing myself, slowly inside.

I want to wake up one morning to find him standing at the door.  I want him to say he was all wrong those months ago and that he shouldn't have given me up.  I want that love, that love that exists only in my dreams.  But what good is being alive if not to have dreams every once and a while.

I want an understanding.  Starting again, I think I've found someone who loves me, which is what I've said I always wanted.  But, something isn't there.  What is it?

An understanding would be nice, if not in my heart than for the world.  I want people to look each other in the eye and be able to smile without falsehoods and without prejudice.  I want the world to wake up Christmas morn with the feeling of good cheer and joy that I always think of when I hear your holiday coming around.

I want people to love each other.

If I can't love, then let them love.  If I can't understand, let them understand.

I can by your martyr if you wish.  Sacrifice me for the better world.

A better world.

That Santa, that is my Christmas wish.

I hope it reaches you in time, and I can only hope that my name isn't on the naughty list this year.  I know I've been bad, but I feel like this wish can show you what I'm really made of.  What's beneath the facade.  To let you know that my heart isn't cold, it just wants the chance to be warm.

Sincerely, whether you believe me or not,

Alex